“Bernie Sanders has now passed Hillary Clinton in the New Hampshire polls.

It’s the first time anyone’s ever been passed by a guy in a Prius.” –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump said that he was running for president as a Republican. That’s funny, because I thought he was running as a joke. ― Seth Meyers

“According to a new poll, Hillary Clinton has lost a third of her supporters in Iowa since May. There’s still debate as to whether she lost them or just deleted them from her database.”

–Jimmy Fallon

Anthropologists have released more information about a recently discovered extinct human species. The species lived in trees, had brains the size of an orange, and plans to vote for Donald Trump.-

Conan O’Brien, October 07, 2015

Q: Why can’t Donald Trump screw in a light bulb?

A: Because he can’t decide which way to turn.

Q: Why doesn’t Hillary Clinton pray to God?

A: Because she hates talking to herself!